ItAintNoRocketScience

Tea Baggers...

2010-01-09T06:26:00.000-08:00

I wonder how many of these fucking unpatriotic tea baggers screaming about socialism and how the sky is falling over healthcare reform will be availing themselves of the benefits of the overhaul once it takes effect?

GOP Weekly Radio Address...

2009-12-19T08:21:00.000-08:00

Just listened to the GOP give their weekly radio address. I've decided GOP doesn't stand for Grand Old Party anymore. Instead, it stands for Grumpy Old Pricks. Well, today the grumpiest old prick of them all, John McCain gave the weekly address. He spent five minutes lamenting how awful the Democrats are. How they aren't interested in bipartisanship, and how their healthcare reform is bad policy and should be done more responsibly. My question would be: where were you Mr. McCain between 2000 and 2008? You had 8 years to work on this and I don't recall you doing anything. And to that I say:

EUREKA!

2009-12-10T21:33:00.000-08:00

After almost 3 weeks of the drama that is Tiger Woods' marriage and extracurricular activities, it finally dawned on me. THIS must be the "sanctity of marriage" that straights are so afraid gays would destroy by having the right to marry.

WOW!

2009-11-30T07:54:00.000-08:00

I weep for the future...

Sarah Palin Book Signing

Sarah Goes Down...

2009-11-24T21:40:00.001-08:00

What is it with all the pics of Sarah Palin looking like she's either going down on, or about to go down on a microphone? I mean, how many horny for Sarah photo editors can there possibly be out there?

It's Been Way Too Long...

2009-11-24T07:17:00.000-08:00

It's been way too long since I have posted anything. Could it possibly be since July?! I guess I really have been that busy. Well, I'm back in the blog swing. Today's post is short and sweet with just one question:

I wonder how many jobs these teabag rallies have created?

TV Legends

2009-07-03T13:04:00.000-07:00

I was surfing youtube last night and found a really awesome channel called TV Legends. It's the channel of the Archive of American Television. The link is provided below. Practically anyone and everyone you can think of that has been interviewed for AAT is on there. The format is pretty simple. The person being interviewed tells their story from childhood through their TV career, up to the present. It's fascinating and truly addicting. I wanted to watch one person's interview, and at 2am, decided it was time to go to bed. Visit the link and enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/user/TVLEGENDS

Coupon Book

2009-06-21T18:14:00.000-07:00

We've all found them in our mail from time to time. Those coupon books tailored to your neighborhood, with great savings on everything from meals at local restaurants and eyeglasses at the neighborhood optometrist to a coupon for a free fifth oil change at Larry's Lube House.
~~~
A few days ago, I found once such coupon book in my mail. I didn't think much of it. It was going to become more landfill, just like all the rest of my junk mail. On closer inspection though, this coupon book seemed to be different. What was it? I couldn't quite put my finger on it. Then it hit me like a bolt from the blue. Take a look at the picture below. Can you figure out what it is?

If you guessed that it features a rather amorous, dough-eyed, same-sex couple, you win! I began wondering, how did two gay men end up on the cover of a neighborhood coupon book? It could be one of several things:
c) gay guys are thrifty and love clipping coupons
a) gay guys love to pose and show off
b) the cover is purple, and gay guys just love purple (actually, they'd call it "plum" or maybe "eggplant", but i digress...)
~~~
Actually the answer is none of the above. The answer lies in the neighborhood, Edgewater, itself. As my friend Brian says jokingly, leave it to a bunch of gay guys to move in, fix things up and run up the property values! And that is exactly the answer. Over the last five years or so, gay men have been moving to the Edgewater neighborhood, buying property, fixing it up and creating a nicer, safer, more livable neighborhood. And the coupon book? It's a wise and practical nod by the publisher to the fact that gay men in general have more disposable income, and that their spending power is as legitimate as everyone else's. And most importantly, that the time has come to recognize same-sex relations for exactly what they are, loving, committed relations between two people who work hard and want for themselves the things that everyone else wants. It may only be a silly little coupon book, but it's an enormous leap forward. Three cheers for Neighborhood Direct!

Republican Bluster...

2009-06-04T05:04:00.000-07:00

I was reading some Shakespeare recently, and came across a quote in MacBeth. In Act V, MacBeth has just been given the news of his wife's suicide, and speaks the following line in regards to life:

"It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing."

The "tale" in this case is all the republican bluster over President Obama, Sonia Sotomayor, and the democratic administration in general. And the idiot? Just close your eyes, reach out your hand and just pick one!

Oh Great Bard, truer words were never spoketh!

Is it just me...

2009-05-21T21:23:00.000-07:00

or does it seem like Michael Steele (RNC chairman and Charlie McCarthy dummy to Rush Limbaugh's Edgar Bergen ventriloquist) has only one tie?

Extinct Creature...

2009-05-20T20:45:00.000-07:00

I was waiting for the train to take me to work the other day, and I saw something I thought I'd never see again. A creature long thought extinct. This creature once inhabited almost every town and city in most every part of the world. It was a common creature, seen everywhere from street corners and shopping malls to city parks and sports stadiums. Gradually over time, the creature disappeared and sightings became more fleeting each year. I was lucky I had my iPhone handy, and I was able to snap a picture of this rarest and elusive of creatures.

It was known worldwide by its common name, the payphone user. Latin name: Payphoneicus userasaurus.

If you're lucky enough to ever see one, definitely take a picture if you can. You'll be able to show the picture and tell your grandkids how you were one of the fortunate few to catch a glimpse of this quickly vanishing animal.

The Dick

2009-05-11T21:02:00.000-07:00

I’ve been doing some thinking, and I’ve come up with a way to cut our dependence on foreign oil and turn toward a more renewable source of energy. It’s a renewable energy whose potential is nearly limitless. An energy source that can provide heat and comfort and will never, ever wear out. It is none other than:

Dick Cheney, or better
know as, The Dick.

The Dick is a virtually limitless supply of hot air. Don’t believe me? Tune into your local news this evening, or pick up a newspaper. You’ll find The Dick spewing hot air like Mount Etna spews lava! Why should we let all that hot air go unused? Especially when the nation is searching for a new and more efficient energy source. With The Dick, there will be no more need for home heating oil. Hot water heaters, obsolete. Clothes dryers, a thing of the past! The CTU (Cheney Thermal Unit) will replace the British Thermal Unit (BTU) as the standard in energy measurement. In the long, dark months of winter, we will all snuggle up, warm and toasty, safe and content in the warmth provided by the gas bag that is The Dick. And since the source of The Dick’s hot air is so deeply steeped in republican ideology, it’s cheap, too!

But how does The Dick work and put out so much gosh darned hot air, you may ask? Well, just as a solar panel’s energy output is proportionate to the amount of sunshine, or a wind turbine’s to the amount of wind, so is The Dick’s. In this case, the more democrats in the House and Senate, the longer a democrat occupies the White House, all of them working hard for the middle class and families everywhere, the hotter and more forceful the air is that The Dick emits. It’s just that simple.

And by the way, if you were worried about long term effects of using The Dick, don’t be. Using The Dick for you and your family’s heating needs is safe and reliable. There has not been one single documented case in extensive studies of any conversion to the Republican party from using The Dick. The longer we vote democratic, and the longer Democrats run the country, the less and less we will ever have to worry again about our heating needs. We’ll have The Dick!

A Dubious Advocate

2009-05-10T09:37:00.000-07:00

Bristol Palin advocating abstinence is like an arsonist advocating smoke alarms...

It's "Bristol" Clear...

2009-02-19T06:54:00.000-08:00

Bristol Palin, daughter of ex-VP candidate Sarah Palin, was recently interviewed by Fox’s Greta Van Susteren. In her first post-partum interview, darling little Bristol said that having a child is not glamorous and told young people that abstinence is not realistic at all.

Bristol goes on to tell Ms. Van Susteren that, "It's just, like, I'm not living for myself anymore. It's, like, for another person, so it's different…and just you're up all night. And it's not glamorous at all…like, your whole priorities change after having a baby."

Well Bristol, I guess you should have, like, thought of that before you, like, spread your legs.

Roland Burris

2009-02-17T20:38:00.000-08:00

Remember when you were little and you broke your mom’s favorite lamp because you were running through the house when she told you not to? Remember how your alibis progressed when confronted with the broken lamp?

“No mom, I wasn’t reeeally running.”
“Well, I was kind of running, and I think I might have bumped the lamp.”
“Ok, I was running, and I did knock the lamp over.

Now fast forward to late 2008 and early 2009. When confronted with the possibility of his nomination for Illinois senator being tainted by “pay to play” shenanigans involving ex-scumbag governor Rod Blagojevich, Burris was adamant that there was no tit for tat. Absolutely no way. He’s way too clean a guy for that, he protested, to anyone who would listen.

But over this past weekend Burris acknowledged that he had indeed spoken with members of the Blagojevich goon squad, but that he categorically rejected the advances to fundraise for the ex-governor.

Now it’s come out today that he indeed did attempt to raise funds for Blagojevich, but was unable to find any donors.

Hmmm…

So here are those child-like alibis rearing their ugly heads again.

“No, of course I didn’t engage in talks with with ex-governor.”
“Well maybe there was a phone call or two, kinda sorta. But I would never give in to that sort of pressure. I’m clean!
“Ok, I was talking to people and trying to raise money. But I couldn’t find any donors, so the means I’m still clean!”

Note to Mr. Burris: spread that crap on the lawn. I’m not buying it. I was sick to death of my state being the punchline for late night talk show host’s jokes, and you’ve only made it worse. You’re a joke and an embarassment to yourself and the state you claim to represent. It’s time to go.

Frost/Nixon

2009-02-08T20:16:00.000-08:00

My goal for several years has been to see all the movies nominated for the best picture Oscar. As of today, I'm 2 for 5, closer than I've ever been in many years. Today's movie was "Frost/Nixon" directed by Ron Howard and starring Michael Sheen as David Frost and Frank Langella as Richard Nixon. There are several other superb performances by Sam Rockwell, Oliver Platt, Kevin Bacon and Jay White as Neil Diamond (don't ask, just see it for yourself...)

One of the marks of a great actor and movie for me is when I realize that at some point I've stopped watching the actor play a part, and I'm actually watching the character. This was definitely one of those cases. I found myself not watching Michael Sheen as Frost and Frank Langella as Nixon, but actually engrossed in seeing Frost and Nixon interact. I've always been a Frank Langella fan, and I became a Michael Sheen convert when I saw him in "The Queen" as Prime Minister Tony Blair. Neither actor disappointed in this film, repeating their respective roles from the stage play.

The film is tight and methodic in its buildup to the climatic interview scene on Watergate. My only beef with the film, without giving anything away, is one scene inserted into the film that is completely fictional. I understand the rationale for the scene and its use in furthering the story; however the purpose this scene was meant to serve could have been accomplished easily in some other way. It weakened one of the characters and took something away from the film as a whole.

Despite that, I still give the film four stars, and Frank Langella has my vote for best actor. For those of you who are old enough to remember the actual Frost/Nixon interviews this is a must see film. And for those of you who aren't old enough to remember them, this is your chance to peek in on a moment in history.

Proper "Etta-kett"

2009-02-07T10:17:00.000-08:00

Earlier in the week at a concert in Seattle, Etta James let it fly. In reference to Beyonce's singing James' signature song, "At Last" for President and Mrs. Obama at one of the inaugural balls, James said she was going to "whip her ass." And to dig herself an even deeper hole, in the same tirade, James said that President Obama, "the one with the big ears...ain't my president."

Okay, on the count of three, everyone say "jealous bitch." One...two...three: "JEALOUS BITCH!"

And if that still isn't enough, to dig herself into that hole EVEN DEEPER, James later tried (albeit pretty pathetically) to retract or redefine her comments. She said later that she didn't really mean anything by her comments, and that they weren't coming from a vicious place, and that she was just trying to connect with the crowd. She added also that, "Even as a little child, I've always had that comedian kind of attitude. ... That's probably what went into it." Okaaaay....

Well, I've been thinking a lot about this, and I've come to the conclusion that Etta James is a jealous, washed-up, old snatch who couldn't carry a tune with two hands and a bucket. But I'm just kidding really. That's not coming from a vicious place. I'm just trying to connect with you, the reader. Besides, even as a child, I always had that comedian kind of attitude. That's really what went into that statement...

Quote Of The Week

2009-02-01T13:28:00.000-08:00

Democrat Barney Frank, representative of the 4th congressional district of Massachusetts and chairman of the Financial Services Committee was on "This Week With George Stephanopoulos" today debating President Obama's economic stimulus package. When Jim DeMint, Republican Senator from South Carolina, defended the ridiculous republican notion that more of the stimulus package should go to tax cuts instead of things like infrastructure spending, Frank responded with what, in my opinion, sums it up perfectly, "I never saw a tax cut fix a bridge." You go Barney!

Nancy Pelosi

2009-01-23T21:00:00.000-08:00

I was watching the inauguration on Tuesday and I noticed that Nancy Pelosi is always smiling. And not just a polite, "I'm so glad to see you" smile either. After much research, I decided it has to be one of four things:
a) she didn't listen to her mother when she said, "If you make that face too much, it'll stick that way!"
b) she was just gassed by the Joker
c) she just farted
d) the knot is tied too tight on the back of her neck
whatever the reason, it's downright creepy!

Random Thought...

2009-01-14T06:23:00.000-08:00

Why is it that ships carry cargo, and trucks carry shipments?

Slumdog Millionaire

2009-01-11T21:04:00.000-08:00

Just came back from seeing "Slumdog Millionaire" with my friend Bruce. It is by far the best film I've seen in at least five years, maybe even ten. The screenplay is flawless, the cast and acting is perfection, the cinematography is stunning and the soundtrack is subtle brilliance. The ticket price was $10, and worth every cent. If you don't see this film, you're missing out on what movie making is all about.

Rod

2008-12-10T08:47:00.000-08:00

Rod. noun

1. A thin straight piece or bar of material, such as metal or wood, often having a particular function or use, as:
a. A fishing rod.
b. A measuring stick.
2. A shoot or stem cut from or growing as part of a woody plant.
3. Current sumbag governor of Illinois who is too ignorant and/or arrogant to shut his fucking mouth, even though he knows the feds are closing in on him.

The Woe Is Me Award...

2008-11-30T17:39:00.000-08:00

Poor Lura Lynn. It’s the holiday season, and she wants her hubby home. In a recent interview she said, "I was hoping we could get him home by Thanksgiving, but that's not going to happen…” Poor Lura Lynn.

Poor Lura Lynn. Having her husband gone has affected her health, she told the Chicago Sun-Times this past Tuesday. She’s receiveing treatments here in Chicago for an aneurysm, and not having her man to stand by her during this trying time is taking its toll on her. "I'm alone. . . . It is very, very difficult, “ she told the Sun-Times. Poor Lura Lynn.

Despite her health challenges, 74-year-old Lura Lynn spends every weekend visiting her husband. She drives down to Terre Haute, Indiana each and every weekend, without fail. Poor Lura Lynn. Such a tireless trooper she is. Lura Lynn was hoping to have her man home by Christmas, but it looks like that’s not going to happen either, and she doesn’t want to get her hopes too high, according to a quote in a recent edition of the Sun-Times.

Who is Lura Lynn and who is this husband she loves so much you may be asking, as that lump in your throat gets bigger, and your sympathy wells up. It is, afterall, the season of giving, forgiveness and goodwill toward all! Lura Lynn is Lura Lynn Ryan, former first lady of the state of Illinois. And her hubby that she misses so much? None other than George Ryan, 74-year-old former Illinois governor, liar, cheat, swindler and scumbag; now serving a six and a half year prison term at the Federal Correction Center in Terre Haute, Indiana.

For those of you non-Illinoisans reading this, let me get you up to speed. Former Governor Ryan once served as our Illinois' Secretary of State. As Secretary of State Ryan committed various crimes ranging from the illegal sale of government licenses, contracts and leases by state employees. In a nutshell, all of Secretary Ryan’s illegal activities began to come to light in 1999 in regards to a 1994 traffic accident in Wisconsin. In the accident which involved a semi-truck and van, six children of Reverend Scott Willis and his wife were killed. But what does this accident have to do with George Ryan, you may ask? The driver of the semi-truck was an unqualified driver who could only obtain his licesnce illegally through a bribe to a Secretary of State’s driver’s license facility. In turn, this bribe money (and countless other bribes by countless other unqualified drivers to obtain licenses) was funneled into Mr. Ryan’s campaign coffers. The very campaign coffers that he used to carry him to the governor’s office.

Now George Ryan is serving his time in Terre Haute, Indiana. Which brings us back to poor Lura Lynn. In the Sun-Times interview she goes on to say, “He hasn't seen his grandchildren since he started serving his sentence a year ago…He doesn't want them to see him in that light.” Poor Lura Lynn and her grandchildren. I ask you this Lura Lynn: how do you think Revernd and Mrs. Willis feel this holiday season? Do you think their grief is less than yours? Do you think they miss their six children, six children needlessly slaughtered by an unqualified truck driver that had it not been for your husband’s greedy hand, wouldn’t have been on the road in the first place? The thing you want the most is your husband home for the holidays. What do you think Mr. and Mrs. Willis want? You ma’am are disgusting and your whining and pleading are vulgar and insulting. I dare you to look the Willis family in the eye and make your case for your husband’s freedom.

In the Sun-Times interview, poor Lura Lynn goes on to state, "It's such a waste for him [Ryan] to be sitting down there [Terre Haute prison] doing absolutely nothing.” She made mention that if he were released he could take part in community service. Community service? You’re joking, right? Your husband’s greed is directly responsible for the death of six children, and the pain at least one family will endure for the rest of their lives, and you think your husband should be allowed community service? I think your scumbag husband SHOULD sit in jail with absolutely nothing but time. Time to ponder his deeds and how his greed changed the lives of so many. So many he will never meet, and so many that will never have what you so selfishly pray for, their loved ones home for the holidays.

I think a fitting job for your husband when he’s finally released would be driving a van on a Wisconsin highway. A highway filled with unqualified semi-truck drivers. Drivers who obtained their licenses with bribes through your husband’s office and his greedy desire for money and power. Always wondering, always frightened that the next truck to blow by him, or perhaps the truck behind him will be the one that causes an accident. An accident that will forever sever him from his family at future holidays. Perhaps then he’ll know how the Willis family feels right about now.

Paying Bills...The Green Way!

2008-11-25T08:12:00.000-08:00

With the growing attention to "being green" and "going green" I thought I would write a little bit about paying bills green (ie, online bill paying.) I pay all my bills online and the economic advantages of doing so are pretty obvious. A person saves 41 cents (the cost of a stamp), plus the cost of the check. A typical family pays on the average 20+ bills a moth, and they can save $80 or more a year by paying bills online, according to the NACHA, the Electronic Payment Association.

Beyond that though, the environmental savings can be pretty impactful. Javelin Strategy & Research estimates, based on a 2007 study, has concluded that if all U.S. households viewed and paid their bills online, it would save the following per year:

2.3 million tons of wood or 16.5 million trees
1.6 billion pounds of solid waste, or 56,000 fully loaded garbage trucks
26 million BTUs of energy, enough to provide residential energy to the city of San Francisco for an entire year
3.9 billion pounds of toxic air pollutants, an amount equal to that produced by 355,000 automobiles

Something to think about next time we all sit down and start writing out that monthly check!

Great Local Place To Shop Award

2008-11-24T07:57:00.001-08:00

Sorry I didn't get my weekly award blog posting done this weekend. I was under the weather fighting a tooth infection that will culminate in early January as a root canal. OUCH! So, better late than never; here is my weekly award.

This week's award (the "Great Local Place To Shop Award") goes to Vitamin Outlet in the Andersonville neighborhood. Vitamin Outlet is, in my opinion, the best place in town. The staff is friendly, the selection and quality is outstanding, and the prices are so good you'd swear they made a mistake! For what I buy there, I typically save anywhere from 25-50% over places like GNC (rip off store!) and The Vitamin Shoppe. Yesterday I was there to buy a new bottle of multi-vitamins and some protein powder, and I can say with confidence I saved AT LEAST $30! Regardless of your needs, whether you're a vegan shopping for soy cheese, someone looking to try an alternative medication, or a bodybuilder trying to get a break on a supplement price, I guarantee you, this is the place! Stop by for something specific, or just stop by to browse. If you're like me, I always try to shop with a local owner first. I'd rather see my money spent with a local shop owner working hard to maintain a business than spend it with some nameless, faceless corporation. And Vitamin Outlet is worth every penny!

Address: 5158 North Clark (on the southwest corner of Clark and Foster), Chicago, Illinois 60640, 773.334.3348

Store hours:
Monday thru Friday 10.30 - 8
Saturday 9.30 - 7.30
Sunday 10 - 6

Happy Birthday, Ted!

2008-11-19T03:32:00.000-08:00

In late October, Ted Stevens, 85, well-known horse's ass and Republican senator from Alaska, was convicted on charges of corruption. And on Tuesday, his birthday, he lost his senate seat to Democrat Mark Begich by roughly 46.6% to 47.7% of the vote. To all that I say this:

Happy Birthday to you.
Happy Birthday to you.
Happy Birthday dear Ted!
Happy Birthday to you!

I hope you get everything you deserve on this wonderful, wonderful day!

Just so you know Teddy old pal, prison jump suits only come in three sizes: small, medium and "Man am I fucked!"

Shame On You Award

2008-11-16T19:24:00.000-08:00

Even though the vote was almost 2 weeks ago, I still have to say, shame on you, California for making the ass backwards move to vote "yes" on Proposition 8, the propostion to amend your state's constitution to restrict the definition of marriage as strictly a union between a man and a woman. As a gay man (GASP!) my first thought is, "who the fuck do you think you are?!" I will be writing another blog entry in the near future on the whole notion of same-sex marriage. But for now just let me say again, shame on you, California! How dare you use the ballot box to further agendas of hate, fear and bigotry. To you I say, if you want to deny homosexual couples the right to marry, then heterosexual couples should be denied the right to divorce. If we can't be allowed to have it, then you should be not be allowed to trash it.

Bond. James Bond.

2008-11-11T20:33:00.000-08:00

Let me state for the record that next to my friend Dan, I am one of the biggest, most serious James Bond fans (both novels and movies) I know. With that said, let’s begin.

Moore. Roger Moore. Sir Roger Moore to be exact. And he isn’t happy. With the release of the 22nd Jame Bond film, “Quantum Of Solace” (QOS) Sir Roger is quoted in a Reuters article as saying, “I am happy to have done it [played Bond], but I'm sad that it has turned so violent.” Sir Roger sadly comes to the conclusion that the more violent, darker 007 is “keeping up with the times…” In the same article, Sir Roger goes on to say that he was appalled by all the violence in his swansong performance as 007, “A View To A Kill” (AVTAK). He describes that movie as not being Bond. Indeed!

For starters, who gives a shit what Sir Roger thinks. Perhaps he’s feigning disgust with the violence in AVTAK (which there is none seriously to speak of) to cover up his embarrassment for being associated with such a piece of cinematic garbage? That’s where I’m placing my money. On my list of worst Bond films, AVTAK ties for first with “The Man With The Golden Gun” (TMWTGG) and “Moonraker.” Ironic that they're all Roger Moore Bond films, eh?

With a critical eye (or not so critical an eye for that matter) one recognizes early on that AVTAK is simply a pathetic rehash of “Goldfinger.” Let me sum it up for you:

- Opening credits with lots of silhoutted, undulating, naked women
- Introduction of deranged evil dude and his quasi-female sidekick
- Deranged evil dude plots earth-shattering evil
- Enter Bond. James Bond
- Bond bags the quasi-female
- Newly empowered epitome of sexual womanhood ("Oh, Jaaames!") sees the error of her ways
- Woman helps Bond
- Bond has big confrontation with deranged evil dude
- Bond saves the day
- End credits

If you don’t believe me, watch both films. Goldfinger is riveting, original and entertaining. AVTAK is slow-paced, boring, predictable and downright laughable.

Pay particular attention in “Goldfinger” to the scene when Goldfinger meets with mobsters from all over the country and outlines his plot. A particular gangster, one Mr. Solo, decides to opt out. He’s done away with by being crushed in an automobile in a junk yard car crusher, a “pressing engagement” as Goldfinger puts it, dripping with raw, evil sarcasm. Now compare this to the similar scene in AVTAK. Deranged evil dude Max Zorin has assembled his “board of directors" meeting except this time in a blimp of all places. (A nice metaphor for Sir Roger, actually. As Simon Winder says in his wonderful book, "The Man Who Saved Britain, A Personal Journey Into The Disturbing World Of James Bond," Roger Moore in AVTAK looks like a bloated container of yogurt several weeks past its expiraton date that has exploded in the back of the refrigerator. But I digress.) Zorin explains his maniacal plot, as all good Bond villains do. Again, someone decides to opt out of the plan, and he meets his demise by sliding down the blimp's collapsable staircase, plunging to his death. Zorin then asks the rest of the group if anyone else would like to “drop out.” That's just cheap and wrong on so many levels. It's amazing Christopher Walken as Max Zorin can deliver the line with a straight face.

Is this the ugly violence that Sir Roger is appalled by? Maybe it could be the laughable and extremely implausible final fight scene on top the Golden Gate Bridge between Bond and the ax-wielding Zorin? Or maybe it’s the ridiculous scene where one of Bond’s cohorts is killed in a car riding through a car wash? (Who stays in their car as it goes through the car wash in the first place?) Or maybe it’s the scene where Bond is rolled unconcious in a car into a lake (watch for the cable in this scene actually pulling the car into the lake!) and left to drown, but survives by sucking air from one of the car’s tires. Bond being saved by the air in a car tire? This is no more the violence that Sir Roger abhors than AVTAK is a great Bond film.

It’s ironic that the lowest period, in my opinion, of the Bond franchise was the Moore era. I can site example after example of the ridiculousness of the Moore films. In TMWTGG Bond defeats the villain Scaramanga by taking the place in Sacramanga’s target gallery of the 007 mannequin he practices with. We should believe that a world-class assasin can't recognize the difference between a mannequin and the real thing? Give me a break!

And “Octopussy” contains what I think is probably the most embarrassing scene of the entire franchise, and of the Moore films specifically. 007 is seen swinging from a vine in the Indian jungle to the Tarzan yell. Ian Fleming must be flipping in his grave!

At the risk of sounding like a snob, I consider myself a Bond purist. Having read the books (some several times over) I can confidently say 007 is not some fop or dandy who punches with his wrists, drinks vodka martinis shaken not stirred with pinky raised, has watches with laser beams in them or is the grinning, wide-eyed Eton school boy getting his first piece of ass. He is not the 007 who saves the world with smirks and pathetic one-liners Sir Roger would like us to believe in. Bond is a paranoid, chain-smoking borderline psychotic and alcoholic. He is a man troubled by his profession and he tamps down his personal angst with alcohol, cigarettes and women. He gets the job done, but it haunts him. He is a man driven by his demons. In other words, Roger Moore never was Bond.

“Casino Royale” (CS) marked a return to the gritty Bond, the haunted Bond, the visceral Bond. And it’s about time. I was admittedly cautious of Daniel Craig at first. Seeing him on the screen in the pre-credit sequence took away all my doubts. The bathroom fight scene is one of the most vividly brutal scenes in any Bond film I can recall. Bond now exists in the real world. A real world with real villains who have real intentions and do real harm. No caricatured villains with silly schemes and sidekicks with even sillier names (I mean Grace Jones as “MayDay”? Give me a break! How could you possibly find that a threat?) If CS foreshadows the level of depth and quality that QOS will deliver, then we’re all in for a great film. If you haven’t seen CS I highly recommend it. And I suggest you sit with your legs crossed during Bond’s chair torture scene. It will make the toughest of men cringe. It’s a scene I couldn't possibly imagine Sir Roger in, and to be honest, I wouldn’t even want to.

George Bush, Overachiever

2008-11-10T20:39:00.000-08:00

George Bush has achieved a milestone...of sorts.

Today CNN and Opinion Research Corporation released their latest joint poll on presidential approval. 76% of those questioned disapproved of the job Dubya is doing. This is the “highest low” for a CNN poll ever, and one would have to go back to polls during World War II to find a Gallup poll with numbers that low.

CNN’s Polling Director Keating Holland said, “No other president’s disapproval rating has gone higher than 70 percent. Bush has managed to do that three times so far this year. That means that Bush is now more unpopular than Richard Nixon was when he resigned from office during Watergate with a 66 percent disapproval rating.”

Way to go George. I always knew you were an overachiever.

Weekly Award

2008-11-09T11:33:00.000-08:00

Each weekend on my blog I'm starting a "Something" Of The Week Award. That "something" could be anything really, depending on my thoughts, or it could be something or someone that deserves special mention. It could be Winner Of The Week, Loser Of The Week, Ass Of The Week, Liar Of The Week, etc. With that said, let me introduce you to my first award:

Joe Lieberman, Ass Licker Of The Week

So now that the election is over Old Uncle Joe is scared. The former democrat-turned-independent/former-independent-turned-republican toady and court jester has that feeling in the pit of his stomach like the man who spends his life’s savings betting on the wrong horse and watching it all disappear.

Earlier in the week Old Uncle Joe said after meeting with Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid that he agreed with President-elect Obama, that we should all unite and get the country moving again, economy-wise. Wow! What a difference an election can make on a person’s point of view. Harry Reid says that even though Old Uncle Joe has voted with democrats a good deal of the time, his actions and words raise concerns and doubts. Indeed. So why is Harry Reid so concerned? What has Old Uncle Joe said or done that gives Harry Reid such concern? Let’s have a look shall we?

For the best evidence of Old Uncle Joe’s back stabbing, let’s visit parts of his speech to the Republican National Convention this past September.

“What, after all, is a Democrat like me doing at a Republican convention like this?”
(Ass licking would be my guess…)

“Now, let me -- let me share something with you that I'm in a unique position to do as a Democrat.”
(Since that position is you on your knees Uncle Joe, my guess is that “something” you want to share is your eager tongue.)

“My Democratic friends know all about John's record of independence and accomplishment.”
(Uhm Uncle Joe, you have no Democratic friends anymore…)

“As a matter of fact, friends, if John McCain is just another partisan Republican, then I'm Michael Moore's favorite Democrat.”
(Joe, let me introduce you. Michael Moore, meet your favorite Democrat Old Uncle Joe. Old Uncle Joe, Michael Moore.)

Old Uncle Joe really wants to convince us he’s a democrat, doesn’t he? The intersting thing about that is that Old Uncle Joe is labeled an independent by the Senate’s official website.

WE INTERRUPT THIS BLOG POSTING FOR A SPECIAL POP QUIZ

Joe Lieberman is:
A) A Democrat
B) An Independent
C) A closet Republican
D) An ass-licking opportunist willing to tongue the ass of whomever he happens to think may benefit him most

The answer of course, is D!

But the fun doesn’t stop just at the Republican convention, oh no! At any and all opportunities, Old Uncle Joe has made sure everyone knows his feelings about the democratic candidate Barack Obama. Amongst other things, Old Uncle Joe has said:

“…in the Senate, during the three-and-a-half years that Senator Obama's been a member, he has not reached across party lines to accomplish anything significant…”

Anything significant? Hmmm…let’s see about that, shall we? In 2006 Obama teamed up with Richard Lugar to introduce S. 2566, the Obama-Lugar Act. It was a bill that focused on keeping weapons of mass destruction out of the wrong hands, and also seeing that those weapons are destroyed. I should add that Richard Lugar is a Republican senator from Indiana.

In 2005 Obama supported S.5; a bill dealing with class-action lawsuits, making outcomes more fair for class-members and defendants. Obama was one of only 18 Democrats who voted for and defended this bill.

Sounds pretty significant to me. How about you?

But why all the Obama hating? It’s weird actually because back in 2006 Old Uncle Joe was in a serious fight for his senate seat against Ned Lamont. Who did Joe turn to for help? The rising star of the democratic party, Barack Obama, of course! And Senator Obama worked hard to convince Connecticut voters that Old Uncle Joe was their man. An official in Old Uncle Joe’s campaign at the time had this to say, “We needed him [Obama] to strongly validate us as a candidate that liberal Democrats should not desert. We went to the Obama operation with a very urgent plea for him to come out for us.” So Old Uncle Joe begged. Nice image, huh?

Obama didn’t really owe Old Uncle Joe anything. He agreed to help Joe for the sake of party unity. So what did Old Uncle Joe do then? He stabbed Obama and the Democratic party in the back by registering as an independent. As we all know, Old Uncle Joe prevailed, to go on to fight for John McCain as president. Which brings us back to the Harry Reid comments at the beginning of this posting. Old Uncle Joe placed all his eggs in the wrong basket it seems, and now he’s worrying about all the eggs being broken.

Old Uncle Joe has attacked Mr. Obama’s rhetoric by saying that “eloquence is no substitute for a record.” Really Joe? In my opinion ass licking is no substitute for integrity.

Enough Said...

2008-11-05T07:43:00.000-08:00

Chicago

Dallas

Berlin

Los Angeles

Madrid

San Francisco

Paris

New York

London

A Brilliant Mind

2008-10-30T09:15:00.000-07:00

Let's hear it for Tom Lehrer, a brilliant, witty guy who is likely to not be equalled any time soon. For those who have never heard of Tom Lehrer, he was a late fifties to mid-sixties mathematician, entertainer, pianist, and satirist who used his skills at word play and playing the piano to comment on the social and political issues of the day. His popularity helped land him a spot as a writer on the television show "That Was The Week That Was." TWTWTW was originally a British show that gained such popularity that NBC spun off their own version for american television. But I digress.

Tom Lehrer's formula for "musical commentary" was so successful that he was often imitated, but never outdone. A few of the more successful examples that come to mind are Mark Russell and The Capitol Steps.

So when I was choosing a name for my blog, the name came to mind from two different directions. For starters whenever I have commented on articles online (cnn.com, politico.com, etc.) I had always used the name "RocketScience" for the name's obvious implications and meanings, and its roots in the phrase "It's not rocket science!". My love of the phrase combined with the responses to my comments, which were always filled with such vitriol from so many supposedly-yet-obviously-not-too-educated right wing nut jobs, I knew I had the best name I could think of. "Rocket science" naturally led me to thinking about Werner Von Braun, and Tom Lehrer's hilarious lampoon tune. The combination of a great name and phrase combined with the satirical "Nudge, nudge. Wink, wink" of Lehrer's tune...as they say, the rest as they say is history.

Oh yea, one more thing. A big thanks to Johnny Yen for showing me how to embed the video below. I'm truly lost without my techno-savvy Boswell!

The Smoking Gun

2008-10-26T21:10:00.000-07:00

Ammonia, arsenic, benzopyrene, cadmium, carbon monoxide, chromium, formaldehyde, hydrogen cyanide, lead, mercury, nickel, nitric oxide, selenium and styrene.

For the better part of the last 20 years, these are some of the chemicals I put in my body. At least twenty times a day. Day after day. Week after week. Month after month. Year after year. I’m talking of course about smoking cigarettes. Mark Twain once said, “Quitting smoking is the easiest thing to do. I’ve done it myself a thousand times.” How right Mr. Twain was. For most of those twenty years, almost every time I lit one up, I told myself that this was the last one. Absolutlely, positively, beyond a shadow of a doubt the last one. Until the next time I lit up. I knew the trap I was setting for myself. I knew the horrible cycle of addiction I was creating, but quite simply, I didn’t care. I didn’t care what the risks were, what damage they could do, or the monetary expense. It felt good. I was cool. I was hooked.

You would think I would have heeded to the warning signs from my family. My paternal grandfather died of emphysema. My paternal grandmother smoked everyday for almost seventy years. At 88 she stopped, saying she worried what it might be doing to her. God love her. Twelve years ago my father suffered a heart attack. As he was being wheeled into the emergency room the ER nurse asked him if he smoked. When he replied that he did, she informed him that he didn’t anymore. Prior to that my father had smoked for the majority of his life. He recollects that when he was about 4 or 5 years old he would watch his mother smoke and just know he had to have one. He has described to me on several occasions the overwhelming craving he experienced in watching her light up. It turns out that my grandmother smoked while she was pregnant with my father. Case solved. My father was born addicted to nicotine! Babies are born addicted to crack and alcohol, so why not nicotene? Of course in 1939 no one knew what cigarette smoking could do to a person, so grandma gets a bit of a pass on this one.

I started smoking in college. All my friends smoked. Eventually I picked up and joined the ranks of the addicted. I can recall many a night in college and beyond when that beer tasted so much better followed by that nicotine chaser. After a night of smoky bars and endless packs of cigarettes, what could be better than that first cup of strong, morning coffee? DING, DING, DING, no more calls please, we have a winner! You guessed it, a good, heavy drag on the morning’s first cigarette! I can’t count the times that I would wake up and my chest sore and lungs feeling shrunk from a night of heavy smoking. And it continued and continued and continued. Days became weeks. Weeks became months and months became years. Before I knew it, I had smoked for the better part of 20 years. I don’t even want to do the math on the money I spent. When I first started smoking, a pack of cigarettes cost $1.50. Now, here in Chicago a person is lucky to buy a pack for less than $7.

To make the long story short, I finally managed to quit. But the road to that was long and hard! I tried cold turkey, nicotine patches, nicotine gum and any number of other bizarre and downright silly things to help me quit. When none of these things worked, I would sink deeper and deeper into a funk. Lost in the hopelessness of addiction. That’s right, addiction. Nicotene by far is the single most addictive drug there is. More than cocaine, more than crack, more than alcohol or heroin. Plain and simple. Nothing I ever did would “fix me.” One day I was at the gym (yes, the gym! Despite being a smoker, I was someone committed to a healthy lifestyle (insert ironic laughter here!) I love working out and teaching myself about proper/better nutrition and health. If I worked out and ate well, smoking was ok, right? Right!) and I was heaving and wheezing, unable to catch my breath. Suddenly my moment of clarity. My flash of epiphany. Stopping smoking wasn’t about being “fixed” by something external, this had to be an inside job. The solution had to come from within. I was looking for a magic bullet where there wasn’t one. Once the realization that this was an inside job and I made this commitment with new clarity, then I could employ those external things to help me, they would be tools to help, not be the things that did the actual footwork. I now knew that I had to do it for me. So, I scheduled several sessions with a hypnotherapist which helped to reinforce the confidence in my decision to quit. To help aid me with the physical aspects of nicotine withdrawl I sought the help of an acupuncturist. Acupuncture is a wonderful tool for so many things. It helps loosen toxins and negative energry and release it to aid the body in healing. Personally in me, it brings on a wonderful sense of calm with my body and my emotions. I feel very much at one with myself, and the decision to live smoke-free is not so much a struggle, but a joy and a pleasure. I don’t hack myself to sleep or when I wake up anymore. My taste has returned, and my workouts just keep getting better and better. I take the money I would spend a week on cigaretters and have turned that into a weekly savings account deposit. It’s pretty amazing how that money adds up. Smoking was one of the most stupid things I ever did. Stopping smoking was one of the most liberating things I will ever do!

A Limerick of Fact

2008-10-23T08:26:00.000-07:00

There once as a gov'ner named Palin,
who joined a campaign that was ailin'.
All looks and no brain
won't help the curmudgeon McCain,
with a campaign that is more and more failin'.

Failin' Palin

2008-10-22T20:41:00.000-07:00

Despite the fact that it is physically impossible for a woman to step on her own dick, Sarah Palin seems to be doing an excellent job of it.

On The Eve of Change

2008-10-20T21:57:00.000-07:00

“In this difficult time for the United States, it’s perhaps well to ask what kind of a nation we are and what direction we want to move in.”
— Robert Kennedy, addressing a crowd on the news of the assassination of Martin Luther King, Jr.

In two weeks, this nation will be at a crossroads. Will we choose the path of more of the same failed policies and ideology, namely fear, hatred and division; or will we choose change, hope and inclusiveness, putting the country back on track and on the path to a better future not only for ourselves, but for our children? Will we choose to believe ourselves to be no better than we are right now, or will we choose to believe that change is possible, and that together we can do and be better? If we choose the former, then we have not learned. If we choose the latter, then we will have acted upon one of the fundamental principles of our nation, the power to say, “no more” and change course. Insanity by definition is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. If we elect McCain/Palin then the message is clear. We will have chosen insanity and more of the same misery that the last eight years has wrought. If we choose Obama/Biden, then we have learned and we have chosen hope, change and a core belief in ourselves.

The choice could never be more clear. Two recent events come to mind that demonstrate the importance of this election. One: in September the Obama campaign raised a staggering (and impressive!) $150 million dollars. I can say with 100% certainty that those contributions were not made by two people with $75 million each. What does $150 million dollars in one month say? Quite simply it says people are so hungry for change and true, inspiring leadership that they’re willing to dig into their piggy banks to make it happen. Two: for the first time since 1964 a democrat is poised to win Virginia. Is this due to a shift in demographics of a particular state? Partly. What it says, however, as clear as a fog horn on a pea soup night is that the people of Virginia are tired. Tired of the politics of fear and division. Tired of having their life savings vanish. Tired of an administration that cares more about Wall Street’s financial health than theirs. Tired of another foreclosed home. Tired of coming home to tell family that the job is gone. Tired of choosing between health care and food on the table. In 2008, Virginia is indeed the bellwether of a country in desperate need of a course correction. The country, to quote Howard Beale from “Network,” is “mad as hell, and it’s not going to take it anymore.” The country is also crying for help; and their cries are being met on the republican side by the tragedy that is the McCain/Palin ticket, with half truths, deceit, arbitrary decision making, and the politics of fear.

The McCain campaign, in their clever and not so subtle ways has worked hard to spread hate, bigotry, divisiveness and outright falsehoods in the name of winning an election. John McCain asks, “Who is the real Barack Obama?” What the country should be asking is, “Who is the real John McCain?” Is he the John McCain of 2000? A principled man, who could rightly then claim the title of “maverick?” Or is he the divisive, “scorched earth” John McCain of 2008, who would rather fan the flames of bigotry, deceit and false doubt in order to win at all costs rather than lose honorably? My father tells me such “dadisms” as “always to take the high road,” “when in doubt don’t,” “what your gut is telling you is usually correct.” Apparently these are dadisms that have been lost on John McCain. When the opportunity has arisen to take the high road, John McCain chose the low road. When John McCain should have heeded to doubt, he did not; and when John McCain should have listened to that little voice inside, he ignored it.

I can thank John McCain and his sinking Titanic of a campaign for one thing. John McCain in all his bitterness and his embrace of a negative campaign has made us take a long, honest look at who we are and where we want to go. As the Robert Kennedy quote at the beginning of this posting says, who are we? Where are we going? What do we want to be? Isn’t it time to take a look at ourselves and have the courage to face the honest answers? Has this country become so bigoted and racially divided that we can’t see the forest of open-mindedness, inclusion and tolerance for the trees of bigotry and division? Will we deny the superior presidential candidate his eagerness to lead with honor, openness and dignity simply because of the color of his skin? Are we so blinded by our bigotry and fear of change that we are willing cast rational thinking aside and bang our heads against the wall for another four years. Another four years of spiraling, out of control debt? Another four years of a war we didn’t ask for? Another four years of “me first?” Another four years of the same failed policies and backward thinking that only serves to isolate us from the rest of the world more and more?

On November 4 we can make a difference. The question is, will we have the strength and character to rise above our differences to pursue the greater good? The choice is ours.